Time To Hang Up Those Christmas Shoes And Try These Songs Instead
It’s Christmas time, so you know what that means: colorful lights and decorations adorning every other house in the neighbourhood, numerous gifts and presents under the tree, imbibing in spirits and gorging in a smorgasbord of traditional eats is the norm, and everyone is suddenly nicer. But with the good, comes the bad: back-breaking house work that you don’t want to do, spending money you don’t have, relatives and acquaintances that you don’t particularly care for coming around, middle-aged women fighting for cakes in public, and the pain of knowing that you’re going to hear that damn “Christmas Shoes” song at least 10 times a day.
You know “Christmas Shoes”: the ditty by the Christian group New Song about a man who felt better about himself after helping out a poor boy looking to buy his dying mother a pair of shoes. Yes, that song that has made many a worst Christmas song list… but yet the likely Illuminati torture tune continues to get airplay.
When it comes on radio, the opening notes are usually followed by a loud stupse, then a “dem can’t find nothing else to play?” while the station is being switched. In public, especially department stores and offices, “I hate this song” is muttered under breaths, as you can see parts of people slowly die inside during the 4-minute ballad. And it would be just our luck that when the New Song version is maxed out, radio has the Smokey Burke cover to further wallop your ears into despair.
Lovers of the song argue that it is a reminder to show kindness and compassion to your fellow man during Christmas. Which I get. But to that I say: Who wants to be reminded about a sick or dying mother during the holidays when there are people going through that same situation and don’t want to spend that time being depressed. Also, to paraphrase a part of Patton Oswalt’s genius bit, is this song implying that God specifically chose to give a woman cancer to teach someone a Christmas lesson? I don’t think so.
Unlike “Sofa Kings,” this song won’t be removed from the airwaves. Knowing that, (Plus.. who listens to the radio anyway?) I’ve compiled a list of some sweet Bajan songs that can fill the void of that horrible number after you remove it from your office party/lime/cleaning the house playlist. Enjoy.
Debbie Reifer – Bajan Christmas
Johnathan McCollin – No White Christmas
Johnathan McCollin, one half of the The Architecz, lets his overseas love know that snow is not needed to enjoy the holidays. (Download available above)
Nexcyx – We Don’t Have Snow
Sure, living in the tropics means that we won’t get any of the white stuff, but Nexcyx detail all the things that let us know when it’s the holiday season in Bim. (Download here.)
Little Johnny – Santa Blackmail
In another spin of another classic, Stiffy plays the role of Little Johnny: a young tyrant seeking revenge on Santa after walking in on him doing things with his aunt he saw on “Scandal.” (Download here.)
Barry Chandler & Bruce Chandler – This Is Christmas
This is the last song released by troubled twins Barry and Bruce; and a great reminder of the talent these guys possess. (Download via iTunes)
Carlos Brathwaite is the Founder of 246Mixtapes. Follow him on Twitter.